cyndidomino7

I tried writing
I tried photography
I tried music
I tried being smart
I tried art
I tried dance
I even tried to find love
Then I realized, I should stop trying and just be myself but I don't know who I am. All I know is that I have God in my life and thats all that matters.

I tried so hard to find something I was good at. I tried so hard to find my purpose, to find God's purpose for me. It seemed like everyone had something, a talent, something they're good at, that God was using through them. I felt that I didn't have that, God didn't have anything to use through me.
Then I just realized I've been trying not to find God's purpose, but I was trying to make my own purpose in life. I was trying so hard to find something that I could do for the rest of my life that I was forgetting God. I forgot that God already has a purpose for my life. I was trying so hard to find my own purpose and I didn't know why I was straying so far from God. Then while I was reading an encouraging note on facebook, it hit me! Gosh I felt so stupid but its ok because now I realized why I have been straying away, why I haven't found my purpose.
God has a plan for me, I will know my purpose when He tells me. Its all in God's perfect timing.
I can no longer be lost in the world, I just need to be completely lost in God. I need to have that youthful faith that I once had when I first met God. That complete trust that I had in Him. The hope that I had in Him. I've grown up so quickly in just one year, its gone by so fast that I left my faith, trust, and hope behind. I've had so much responsibility that I have forgotten about God and my family and friends. This 08/09 year has been the hardest time in my Christian life, I've had such little faith because of what has happened. I forgot everything I learned, everything I experienced, everything I once loved about God.
I've realized how much Satan has deceived me. I felt rejected, unloved, used, depressed, angry, bitter, unforgiving, lustful, forgotten, alone, unsupported, and weak. All these things that I felt, hugely effected my Christian life. I felt that God was no longer with me so I started to find love and purpose in the world. I've lived a fake Christian life thinking that my relationship with God would come back eventually but it did not because I was not willing to come back to Him. Satan has deceived me this whole time and I just let him do it but I will no longer stand for this! I AM LOVED BY GOD, I am not alone, I am not weak, I am not forgotten, I am not rejected, I am God's child and I want to live my life for Him. I want to be completely lost in Him. My purpose in life is to live it out fully for God and for God alone.

I used to want a boy that would tell me he loved me
a boy who would hold me
a boy who would always want to be with me
I used to want this because all the other girls had it

Then it came to my realization
that this was not what I wanted
I kept thinking I needed a boy
but really I don't

I don't want that boy whose always around
that boy whose there to hold me
that boy who tells me he loves me

I'm not that kinda girl who wants a fairytale love story
All I want is that best friend boy
The one I can tell anything to
The one I can be comfortable with
The one who doesn't focus only on me all the time
The one who is independent but still loves me

Thats the perfect boy
the boy who you are truly comfortable around
and can be yourself around
that boy is the one for me

I don't need him to hold my hand
nor hug and kiss me
I don't need him to write me love letters
nor call me everyday
I just need him to be himself~

Thats a perfect boy right there
He will come someday
and when he does
I'll be happy that I waited for him :)

I'm feelin out of place lately
Its effected my life greatly
I go on putting a smile on so blindly
people go by greeting so kindly
but I still feel out of place
I'm just walking through life in a slow pace
trying to find something fill this emptiness
I can change my life, I guess
but what will that do?
I'll just feel empty again, it's true
Even feeling out of place with those I'm closest to
Oh give me a clue
show me the way
My life is so gray
I need a splash of color
something that won't wont grow smaller
but instead taller
I need something out of the blue, a calling
No more stalling
Its time for change
I need to throw out the old and in exchange
find something new
No more feeling blue
I'm through

Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."
Luke 18:27

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
1 Peter 5:7

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

havent updated in FOREVER sorry haha

I was becoming tired
You put your arm around me
Sitting, feeling comfort
without a care in the world

Only thing we cared about was
looking at the stars
holding hands
walking together
becoming connected
feeling comfort
and caring about each other~

looks good huh? haha

So today I was at church from 11:45-5:45. haha it was awesome and I guess you could call it a make-up day for leaving so early last week lol. Well yeah it was a really good day. I took some people to Boba Tea House and Sam Austin went too, haha that was....fun xD Yeah and then I stayed at church just talking to Sarah the whole time, just catching up because we haven't seen each other in a while. That was fun. I was gonna go home when they started the college EM service at 4 but they insisted I stay so I did. x) it was fun and I liked Sam's sermon. Sam said I was going to have ugly babies if I marry a half white/half korean guy xD lol he didn't mean to say that but he can never say something nicely, he just says whats in his head lol. But I forgive him because he was sick.
I left after we ate pizza. On my way home I was thinking of the fastest way home and so I decided I was going to go down Mcqueen and then to Warner because its less traffic. While I was deciding on this, I was stopping at a red light at Guadulupe Rd. and something in my heart was like urging me to turn left. It was like that feeling when I'm praying and God is like convicting me. I don't know but it was really weird. So I was about to ignore it but the feeling wouldn't go so right before I stopped all the way, I took a last minute lane change and turned left onto Guadulupe. I realized that this is where a couple of my friends live and also where the guy I like lives too. So I was like thinking to myself, why am I driving this way? there is traffic, is there a reason why God told me to go this way? Does he expect me to see someone? Then I come to a red light at cooper and Guadulupe and I was just looking at the other light so it could turn red so I knew the light was going to turn green but then that feeling came to me again and like I suddenly looked right in front of me and there is this car full of guys and I notice a little blonde kid with his head out the window and everyone in the car is laughing. Then I notice a bright orange hat that I knew I've seen somewhere before and then I realized it was the guy who I like, it was his Longhorns hat. Then I see him and I'm like woah! He was in the car just laughing and smiling, and I really do love to see him smile, it just brightens my day. I know that sounds REALLY cheesey but it does! But yeah it was really weird and crazy that all these series of events occur and then they all lead up to me seeing him there in front of me. He didn't see me but thats ok, I got to see his smile x) but yeah I thought that was just so crazy that that happened. I have no clue what it means but I know it wasn't from my own knowledge, it was something else. I just have to pray about it I guess but as of right now I'm just really kind of confused lol.
But yeah all in all, today was a really good day x)

Here we are once again, together
just having a nice conversation

As you continue to talk
I can't help staring into your eyes
and just wishing you were mine

As you continue to tell your story
I can't help but day dream
and just wishing you knew

Here we are once again, together
just goofing off

As you joke around
I always hope that you could just see
that we are meant for each other

As you make me laugh
I think about how you are the only one who makes me smile
and whenever I'm with you, it just feels so right

And I just wish that you weren't so clueless
I always hope that you would just come up to me one day
and just pick me up off the floor
and hold on to me
and finally see we are meant for each other

I know its just a silly dream
but what can i say? 
I'm a dreamer
but I'm also a pessimist
and I know it'll never happen
Nothing that good happens to me
So I'll just continue to dream
as our friendship continues to grow

Life is like a drive
Some live life in the fast lane
living life to the fullest
Making most of their lives
and just trying to live the best life they can
they are optimistic about their life

Some live life in the construction zone
life just never goes right for them
they start giving up on life
and they're just trying to survive in this harsh life
they are pessimistic about their life



There I am taking a drive
I realize how much driving relates to life
Sometimes you just want to drive as fast as you can
to leave the place you were to get somewhere better
In life, you just want to get away from the horrible things
and get to the good things in life as quickly as you can
Sometimes you just want to get through life as fast as possible
Then there comes the times when you aren't in a hurry
You're just driving at a good speed, never impatient
Life is going good for you
You are in the best mood ever and no one can ruin it
You're driving through a construction zone
a stop in the road
where there's some problems in your life
but they are fixable and you don't worry
Sometimes fixing problems take time and you begin to become impatient
FInally theres the time when you drive as slow as possible
You don't want to come to the final destination just yet
You feel like time is going by too fast and you try to slow it down
Something so good is happening right at that moment
and you wish it could last forever
but nothing lasts forever but try to make it anyways









yeah none of this makes sense but i just had to get it out cuz its been stuck in my head. my thinking process is alll BLAH right now so nothing i say makes sense lol

I guess you could say
I'm a simple girl
I've always wanted to be unique
but I'm always turning out to be like everyone else
I try not to copy
but in this world that seems impossible

I guess you could say
I'm that one girl
who has a dream, who has talents
but never shows them
never wants anyone to know the real me
I try not to show off
but in the end, I'm hiding everything

I guess you could say
I'm a hider
who always wants to be that outgoing person
but is always hiding everything
wanting no one to see the real me

What I'm trying to say
is that the person you think you know
is not who that person is at all
I'm the kind of girl who is really a kid at heart
but an adult in the mind...
I want to burst out and just be myself at heart
but my mind stops me

Its that war between my mind and my heart
This seems like an endless war
I am afraid to listen to my heart
but I hate listening to my mind

So i guess I will always be
that simple girl
that one girl
that hider.

Its just how my life is
mind and heart at war
I am afraid to surrender to my heart
I want to escape
but this war is stopping me.. I guess you could say
there is two of me
One that everyone sees
and one that is hiding from everyone
but is dying to come out

he is the only one who makes me smile
he is the reason i wake up
he is the reason why i continue to try
his smile just brightens up my day
our conversations make me forget about everything else
i wish he knew.

no where to go
no where to run
no one to go to
no one to relate

all is wrong
none is right

all justice is gone
all love is lost

one thing goes wrong
then another
before i know it
everything is wrong

no more joy
no more rights
no more feeling

what could have possibly happened?
why did this happen?

i lost the one i loved the most
but he still waits
because his love is so pure
he is my first and last love
i don't want to ruin this somewhat good relationship with him

i want no more wrongs
only way i can do that
is to come back to him
but its so hard

everything feels so wrong
nothing feels right anymore
except when i see him
when i see his smile
when he makes that silly face
when he talks to me
everything about him
feels so right
but i don't want to forget my first love
the one who will never leave me
the one who will always be with me

what to do
something that feels so right
is slowly turning
soon something will go wrong

i pray that there will be no more wrongs
but i know he will slowly fade away
like all the others...
but i keep hoping this time will be different
keeping my hopes up
just crushes me
for i know something will go wrong...

all love is lost

who do i go to?
where do i go?

no where to go
no where to run to
no one to talk to
no one to relate

help...
please.....

chyea at the library
i should be picking up my computer tomorrow at church but i gotta work so i cant get it until saturday >.<
and yes i did say WORK! i know! its a miracl! cyndi got a job!!!! hahahaa
its kinda cool i guess. i get cute clothes and i get money. only bad thing is i work right after school and my feet hurt but oh well LOL
hmm today was a pretty good day x) especially in block hour cuz i was talking to nate like the whole time hahaa it was pretty fun and interesting to hear like his life story xD LOL
well i gotta go i only have a minute left on this darn computer
byebye!

soo im at the library right now. Its about my tenth time coming here in like the past two weeks -.- Its kind of ironic that all my hw was always a worksheet and then right when my computer breaks, i need to use the computer for homework -.- wow stupid technology. I like the good old days when we used a book, paper, and a pencil! Remember those days? yeah now we are in a techonological world and technology hates me. Woopdydooo. >.<
Well DOP is on Saturday, I am hoping that my dad lets me use his car because Phoenix is far and I cant get a ride >.<
mmm i started reading the bible again and I am so happy that i did because its not boring anymore yay! x)
hmm what else
oh yeah! changed seats in block and now i am distracted everyday in that class because nathaniel sits like right in front of me and he makes funny faces and tries to talk to me. Why does he have to be so darn cute? hahaa well im gonna have to get back on track in that class or else im never gonna pay attention haha.
well im gonna go home now cuz i only have 4 minutes left on this computer because the library is dumb and has an hour limit >.<



adios for now! <3

So many things happened and I have no clue where to start!
I guess I can start with power encounter haha. It was the best most amazing power encounter yet! Everyone was so willing and open and I am so happy that I pushed myself to go. I was dreading this retreat but now I am so relieved that I went because God did many great things during the retreat <3  God sent me to Youth Power Encounter with a willing, focused, youthful heart. He made me my YOUNG self again, my TRUE self again and I completely fell in love with the Lord all over again. I thought I would regret not going to xcyte and going to Youth Power Encounter, oh boy! i was so wrong! Everyone told me I shoulda went to xcyte because it was fun, because everyone was there, because I've already been to YPE twice. But I don't care. God showed me that in these past 5 months I have turned into a follower, a croud Christian. He showed me how I used to truly live for Him before I became that follower. This retreat really was a true breakthrough for me and I really thank God for bringing me there. He truly did bless me. Now I'm not saying He wasn't working in xcyte and that everyone there was a follower. NO WAY, I know that there is drama and some problems in xcyte but that does not mean that God isn't working there. I know that God has called many to go there just like some were called to go to YPE. God works in many ways, not just one way x) that is why He is so amazing. In the end, I truly did make the right choice of listening to God and going to YPE and I am so joyful to be on the right track with Him.


hmmm NEW YEAR! You know whats so amazing about this year's new years day?? It was the day that I TRULY surrendered my life to God. I didn't even realize it was 2009 until our prayer had ended. Our pray time was planned to be like 2.5 hours but it lasted until like 2 in the morning. It was so amazing. God brought unto me the spirit of prayer and praise. The last night of 2008, I was praying and praising God. The first morning of 2009, I was praying and praising God. Somewhere in between I had surrendered my life 100% to God. I am so blessed that 2009 started off like that. x)


When I went to church yesterday, something in Sam Austin's sermon caught my attention. He said that this year of 2009, God will show every member of the youth group, their calling. I truly want to know God's purpose and calling for me! I know that God is lifting me up and training me as a leader but I know He has more stored for me and I just have to pray that He will show me. God has also given me a heart for Arizona. He showed me the separation and division in Arizona and how much it is hurting Him. God wants to see revival and unity in Arizona!

Lord Jesus you are so amazing! <3

The Lord has really challenged me these last 5 months. I went through so many hardships and found so many weaknesses. I was ready to give up God, Christianity, love, church, etc. I didn't want to live anymore, I was so depressed. I fell so hard. I didn't pray, read bible, or praise for so long that I thought God didn't care about me. I just came back to the world even though I knew it was not right. Turning away from God really was a miserable experience for me. I went to church like every other day thinking that would help me get back on track. Oh boy was I wrong! Since I was so far from God, I started hating church and everyone around me. I started to rely on friends and even strangers instead of God. The church and people that I once loved so much had done nothing wrong to me but I hated them. Truly though I really hated myself but I was blaming everyone else. I was so depressed, I would come home everyday crying and just open up my heart more and more to the world and closing my heart more and more from God.
God changed me so much from first power encounter and that change continued to grow as the months passed. Then powerhouse ended and so did school and I started to slowly rewind to my old self. I went to vision 20 leadership training and the 2nd power encounter thinking that would let me fast forward back to my fire for God but I was wrong. I felt that fire but it quickly disappeared when I came back home. I was so worried about school because I was going to be a junior and I was slowly forgetting my Father, my Lord, my GOD. As I realized this, I tried to come back to Him by myself. I was not hearing the Lord, I was only thinking about myself. This jacobism that I had really made me forget about God altogether. I knew there was something in my life that I had not given up to God, that ONE percent but I on my own will I tried to find it. While I was relying on only myself, my life had went completely back to its old ways. My bondages and addictions all came back to me. I became so sensitive and secretive that it was ruining my life and I was so blind from it. I became so bitter and hated everything. I was completely away from God and I didn't realize it until I came to the third power encounter.
This power encounter was truly a different experience for me. I became focused to come back to God. I became determined to surrender myself and just let God help me. The moment I walked into God's presence at the camp, God made me young again. The moment I realized this, I knew God wanted me to have youthful faith in Him because that is the only way to truly encounter Him with no doubts or questions. I was myself when I was at Power Encounter. All the people who hadn't seen my TRUE self were so shocked. They never thought of me to be hyper, crazy, young, outgoing, open, etc. In Arizona, they always saw me as the shy, quiet, closed person. I was shocked as well, I truly missed my old youthful self and I was so joyful that God gave me back my youth. During this retreat, I wanted to re-dedicate my life to Him, I wanted to re-encounter God. I realized how much I missed Him, I realized how much I was in pain whenever I was not with Him.
The first three days of the retreat, I could not pray, it was so hard. I praised Him, I listened to the sermons, I discussed, but I could not pray. This really frustrated me but God made me realize that I still had jacobism. So the third night, I came to God just as I was and He just poured out His blessing onto me. I felt so great. I prayed for hours and then God really came to me and He started talking to me. After 5 months of struggles and hardships, I FINALLY heard God's voice. I was so joyful and I knew the Lord was joyful as well. I stood in silence and just praised God with all my heart for I knew I had peace within me. I truly surrendered my life to Him and it was so amazing. I no longer had bitterness and hatred inside of me. Instead I had peace. I knew that Jesus was the only one who had the key to my heart and I will not give that key to anyone else. I love the LORD! <3
While we prayed with our churches, all the Arizona churches gathered. God showed me the separation and division within Arizona and within the church and how it was hurting Him so much. He told me that He wants revival in Arizona, He wants UNITY. He also told me today that we need to continue our fire for Him, we need to continue to pray. He wants prayer for revival and unity within Arizona and within the church. So we children of God need to stand up! We need revival and unity in Arizona for this state is really suffering. The Lord wants to be the God of this city! So lets stand up and seek revival in Arizona, seek unity in Arizona!


Thank you Jesus! <3

so i realized I'm not gonna have ANY time to update this so I will do it right now haha.
[i hear pretty orchestra music in the background, i really wanna go listen to it but i'll stay to update just for you kiddos :P]

hmm lets see I'll talk about my winter break that only lasted ONE DAY :)
So Tuesday, December 23, 2008, was the only day for little Cynthia to have a break because her whole winter break was already planned. BUT her ONE DAY BREAK had come to an end, for her mother wanted her to clean the house! ZOMG little Cynthia had the whole day to sleep but her mother tells her to clean?! Thats just not right. Little Cynthia was saddened because Tommy (her favorite half white, half white person) had just recently asked her to go rock climbing with him but she denied because she thought her day was gonna be all sleep but little did she know she had to clean! *GASP!*



BAHAHAHHAAA zomg i had to refrain myself from LOLing haha.

well anywho so basically my one day break got wasted but its alright x)
Soooo lets see how busy i have been this fine dandy winter that isnt so fine or dandy because its SO FREAKIN COLD! -.-

hmm so here goes
dec. 19~ School, i took my english, math, and history finals. I forgot to stay after school to talk to the teacher about taking an english college course next year -.- stupid me. hmmm i was planning to go to omc that night but i ended up being too afraid to ask my dad for his car cuz he doesn't like anyone driving his car.
dec. 20~ church. went to taco bell after and yobel let me drive his car x) then we went to zoo lights, but line was too long to get onto a shuttle to get to the zoo -.- so we leave but poor sammy gets lost so we have to find him. We try meeting him at ASU but he ends up at kiwanis park... O.o so we meet them at AZ mill mall instead. We were gonna watch Yes Man but Estelle couldn't stay out late so we ended up just walking around the mall. I buy an awesome $3 v-neck shirt at pacsun as my sister's christmas/ bday present. woo hoo what a great price! xD and then i end up taking jennifer and angela home blah i dont like being a bus driver anymore. ZOMG i am absolutely in LOVE with jason's new car xD while we were waiting for sammy to meet us at ASU, my butt was hot and i was like do you have seat warmers? and he said yea and thats just awesome! XD and then he opened the moon roof hahaaa so cool ahh i will somehow persuade him to let me drive his car someday lol
dec. 21~ church, and then me, estelle, daniel, and jason stay til 4 for the college EM service but jason leaves for Debbie's party. Me n estelle debated whether or not to stay or go but we heard them singing a good song so we decided to stay x) and then we end up leaving to go eat at wendy's and then come back for the last part of Sam Austin's sermon :) i saw jessica and simon's dad and he actually called me CYNDI! instead of bonnie hahahaa
dec. 22~ My mom, my sis, my sister's bf, and I go out to Phoenix to Korean Plaza and buy some presents. I saw a singing kettle and freaked out and made my sister buy it for me as a present xD Then we go to Takamatsu and eat some food but all the food was salty :/ and they didnt put ice in our drinks so we ask them for some and they serve us some and they're all like, " this is expensive ice!" sheesh then we come home, my mom gets made cuz the lady overcharged us for the presents by like 40 bucks.
dec. 23~ my mom goes back to phoenix to korean plaza with my sis and they yell at the lady to change the price. I clean the house.
dec. 24~ hang out wit seul bi and the twins! x) so much fun. We made some tacos xD We go to a Christmas party at the pastor's house. James and Timothy are the craziest kids ever! i don't think they learned that theyre not supposed to cross the street without an adult! sheeeeesh! James was going to each house pretending like he was trick or treating and we were like wrong holiday! XD then they ran to the field and i had to chase them cuz kyle wasnt watching them cuz he was on the phone -.- then they went inside and we started to eat. I had to heat like 20 billion tortillas for everyone cuz i guess they dont like hard tacos -.- and then i had to clean up after everyone and they made a big mess after they made a gingerbread house -.- guess who had to clean that? yeah me, and i didnt even help make it at all jeez. Do you know how many times ppl asked me where cups, plates, and paper towels were?! I had to keep saying THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE how am i supposed to know? and then like maybe two ppl said thank you for the food, they didnt even know i brought the food. Obviously they are blind because I brought the food inside the house, I set up the food, I prepared the food, I packed up the food, and I put the food in my car. wow who cant see that?! Jeez so i clean like the whole house cuz I didn't want the pastor's family to clean up after everyone because they were so kind to invite us into their house. and then they watch some kung fu movie thats rated r so the twins dont wanna see it so we were just sitting in the other room. I fell asleep but ppl were waking me up. So we ended up just leaving early and going to QT. yeeah it was an exhausting night >.<
dec. 25~ presents! i got a necklace, money, and a singing kettle! hahaa and we had a steak dinner x)
dec. 26~ shopping alll day for extended family presents and presents for twins and seul bi. i officially hate san tan mall because it is so full all the time -.- Went to omc, that was fun and they liked their presents x) went to panda express, that reminded so much of that one time i went to panda with sam, sammy, estelle, angela, and jason bahahaha i love mop! XDDD myoungki thought i was a pk -.- i think that was the most i have ever talked to him! hahaa actually that was the FIRST time ive ever talked to him bahahaha yay!
looking into the future
dec. 27~ extended family coming over. and then i might go to church but i doubt it
dec. 28~ church, go to asiana to buy snacks for california trip x) might come back to church for college EM cuz thats fun :) and then gotta pack for YPE!
dec. 29~ go to corona, california for YPE retreat x) YPE retreat in California day 1
dec. 30~ YPE retreat in California day 2
dec. 31~ New year's eve! My sister's 19th birthday! YPE retreat in California day 3
jan. 1~ HAPPY NEW YEAR! YPE retreat in California day 4 come home x)
jan. 2~ unpack, do laundry, sleeep all day, wake up at night and drive up to flagstaff!
jan. 3~ SNOWBOARDING in snobowl x) drive back down to gilbert that night
jan. 4~ back home! maybe go to church if im not too tired
jan. 5~ back to school!



busybusybusy
but its all worth it x)